One of my more prized possessions is this LP. Meet Luie Luie. Luie Luie recorded this album in 1971 — he composed, arranged and played all the music on this album. Luie Luie, you see, is a dynamo.

He hoped to spur a new dance craze, called the Touchy. As Luie Luie explains in one of several opening monologues, Touchy songs all start with a “wiiiiiild trumpet introduction,” signalling that it is time to start dancing the Touchy. To dance the Touchy, you dance however you want, as long as you are touching your partner. Any body part will do: nose-to-nose, elbow-to-elbow, toe-to-bellybutton, “or what have you.”

I was hepped to Luie Luie thanks to Hanford and his copy of Songs in the Key of Z, which has the first song from this album, “El Touchy”:

Once I heard it, I knew I had to track down this album. It wasn’t easy, but it was well worth it — surprisingly, not just for the songs, but for the astounding text on the back of the album. Just when I thought the writing had reached the apex of absurdity, bang! — it got weirder. And weirder. The internet’s many Chuck Norris biographers could learn a thing or two from the back of this album. When I die, I want my eulogy to simply be someone reading the back of this album, replacing “Luie Luie” with “Humuhumu.”

Luie Luie is never one to disappoint his audience, and to celebrate his inimitable spirit, I offer for you here, today, in its entirety, the actual liner notes from this album, formatted as close to the original as I could muster. Enjoy.

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LUIE LUIE is an irresistable, uncompromising legend in music today. This handsome artist’s magnetic charm and romantic rhythms permeate all thru his music . . . . wherever he plays. A Master Musician, LUIE LUIE will make you come — and glad you came.

A Superb Showman, he will sting you with his searing songs, and pierce your innermost with his pearly Trumpet. He will caress you. He will force your feet to fidget and seduce your silent hands. His beat will bow your head.

His legato demands respect, and thrills to a whisper. His Drum Solos conquer competition, and capture every crowd. His Captivating Rhythms from all nations call all comers to comradeship. LUIE LUIE has the power to melt the multitudes from ice and iron to indescribable admiration.

Like an Electric Storm, LUIE LUIE takes over his listeners with absolute authority, and destroys any and all disbelief. His tremendous, terrifying Trumpet sounds like a quartette of Trumpets, a fantastic feat never before accomplished.

This inborn Music Master proves to you that you will know by his deeds, and LUIE LUIE does it in the NOW! So YOU can Hear, and See and Feel and TOUCH, TOUCH, TOUCH, THE INFINITE . . . .

This tall Music Matador oozes his music from ten fingers, two feet, two knees, his mouth, and a thousand brains, and in this all inclusive posture combination of the mind and body and muscle and spirit, overwhelms the strong, the meek, regardlss of age, sex or religious relationships. “TOUCHY” is his brain child.

LUIE LUIE plays his intimate music beyond the keyboards; past the drums, outside the Trumpet. His galaxy of instruments cannot contain him. His garrulous Guitar strings spellbind you into space . . . Flamenco flaming. Approaching the avatar, LUIE LUIE projcts meaningful music to tenderly touch your Soul. You will thankfully draw a deep breath and relax comfortably wherever you are.

LUIE LUIE tells you that YOU ARE ALIVE, and GLAD and PROUD to be permitted the privilege of just listening and just watching and just enjoying and just FEELING so much better. So come now and HEAL THYSELF . . .

LUIE LUIE’s valued friend and Mystic Master, Hamid Bey, from Egypt, donated a fountain of Faith and strongly foretold his fabulous success. “TOUCH OF THE PHAROAHS” is presented in this album to his honor.

On Land or Sea and in the Air, LUIE LUIE has got to be the only one of his kind in the world.

WHO? . . . .	A harmonious and superior blend of North and South Americas with all the spice and mystery and romance of Mother Mexico prominently sandwiched and topped with “TOUCHY”.
WHY? . . . .	Because LUIE LUIE loves his music with a fanaticism found no where else. And he loves ALL THE PEOPLE from everywhere.

In succeeding albums you will relish his special effects in music, a contrived menagerie of beaming Carusos in beautiful barnyard beatitutes. You will hear the Roosters too. And LUIE LUIE will walk your dog for you.

Marvelous merriment meanders and everyone wonders how in this world LUIE LUIE does it all by himself. Undisturbed by any other musician, LUIE LUIE, although ethereally trained and self taught, serves you his pure music, flying thru countless numbers with the agile ability to switch instantaneously to a distinguished mundane manner.
Brilliant! . . . . A Genius in his unique, unequalled interpretations. Organ, Piano, Guitar, Drums, Trumpet . . . He plays them all. Put any of 24 instruments within his long reach and he’ll play it. Name your number LUIE LUIE will leap at it like a tiger–and leave you breathless. . . . . He’s an actor and a comedian whose vocal improvisations will cajole and tantalize you.
LUIE LUIE won the title “Best Talented Soldier In The U.S. Army” on the Talent Patrol and Soldier On Parade TV shows at ABC Studios, New York City, hosted by Arlene Francis.

He has recently played on the Ray Duncan Show, NBC TV, Hollywood. He appeared with Elvis Presley and Mary Tyler Moore in the motion picture “Change of Habit”. He has also worked with Ruta Lee, Linda Cristal, and Tio Blas on TV Pilots. He is slated for feature roles in several Sy Bartlett motion picture productions. He has served as Musical Director for Joe Cranston Productions, Hollywood.

In addition to Music, LUIE LUIE also excels in MARTIAL ARTS. He is an authority and originator of “MANAZO” fighting. What is faster than greased lightning? “MANAZO”, an open handed combat method of blinding speed. LUIE LUIE claims he can flip the light switch and jump into bed before the light goes out.

He created the “MANAZO MONKS”, a communion of powerful men and enchanting music delightfully graced in flawless motion, cadenced to split second timing.

LUIE LUIE is also an accomplished Artist in Murals . . . Paintings in oils up to 30 feet long. His canvasses will thrill the most discreet.

Multilingual, LUIE LUIE is madly devoted to the devout from the main springs of humanity. Here is a man to be reckoned with . . . a King in his playground. Enjoy him. LUIE LUIE will play for you . . . and play with you. You are forced to forget your troubles.

LUIE LUIE pulls people apart with his magic music . . . and then, tenaciously ties them together again in proper balance. Children and grown-ups become wild about his treatment and come back begging for more, more of LUIE LUIE. He can hold a true Trumpet note for seven mountainous minutes. An incredible performance while enraptured agnostics wait hopefully for an explosion. AND THEY GET IT!

LUIE LUIE will astound you with his boundless energies and will play six hours straight thru, without stopping for the dinner bell. This to the utter amazement and awe of audiences all over town. He has set capacity records in every showplace he has visited.

Willing, warm women wonder and equally mystified men meditate.

We have a CHAMPION.

Signed: JACK STAR, President
PENSTAR PRODUCTIONS

P.S. THE GREATEST SINGLE ACT IN THE WORLD.

SIDE ONE
1. EL TOUCHY
2. TASTEE TOUCHY
3. TOUCH ME WITH ALL YOUR HEART
4. TORTILLA TOUCHY
5. SWEET AND TENDER TOUCHY

SIDE TWO
1. TOUCH OF SAN ANTONE
2. LOST
3. TOUCH OF THE PHAROAHS
4. TOUCH OF LIGHT
5. LORD WHAT A WONDERFUL WORLD

Posted on Sunday, March 11th, 2007 at 9:59 am | Filed under Midcentury, Music
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